keyboard is...melting

This is not a climate which gets many days like today; we reached a high of 101 degrees this afternoon. The kids were not allowed to open the door to the outside for fear of letting out our perfectly circulated air system; two air conditioners and 10 fans set up to keep the cool air flowing throughout the house. My steering wheel was shedding its vinyl coating as I drove through town with the AC blasting in the van. Tomorrow is only supposed to get hotter. These 30 extra postpartum pounds are making my life miserable. And how on earth am I supposed to get out and go for a walk when every time I step outside, Hades is waiting for me? That's it, I'm moving to Alaska.