Where is my ass?

How is it that I have gained nearly 40 pounds, passed 200 on the scale and yet still wearing my size 6 pre-pregnancy underwear? I have cankles and my face is in competition with my chin to catch up with my neck! Ladies, I don't want to hear how you are jealous of my predicament, having a pea for an ass is neither sexy nor comfortable to rest upon. The fact is, when your belly is the size of a basketball and your boobs rest on said belly like they were made for the Michelin Man, this Weeble wobbles and she DOES fall down! And so do her pants!