Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Family of five

A Catholic woman I once worked for told me that the church's argument against birth control is that we do not get to decide how many children we have, whether we want ten or none at all, it is up to God. I am not Catholic and I cannot even identify with any one religion, but I do know that despite my support in a woman's right to choose and everyone's right to bear children, we cannot always decide how many, if any children we will have. The thousands (if not millions) of women out there struggling to have just one child can tell you that. I cannot relate to these women. All I have to do is catch a glimpse of a baby's feet and I instantly ovulate.
I have never had a planned pregnancy. I hope that didn't come out wrong. It sounds negative, but it isn't. Birth control has not failed me, in fact I failed birth control...three times. And I am likely to do it again. It is for this reason that I got a tubal ligation on Monday. I love my three darlings more than life itself, when I am without them for too long I feel as though I am missing my limbs. I would be unbearably miserable without them. But what if they never came into play? What if they were still only twinkles in my eye? It's possible I could have found a life full of happiness and fulfillment. But as of now, I have crossed over. I could never, would never go back. Once you become a mother, it becomes an indelible mark on your path in life; a map tattooed in your mind. All arrows point north and the terrain leaves scars on your belly. I don't believe that I was meant to have my kids. I do not follow the faith that fate lead them to me. I believe that I am simply very blessed to have them and that I should feel obliged never to take them for granted. I also believe that if I let the cards fall where they may, I will become overwhelmed and lose all my hair at the hand of twelve children. So, for reasons stated above, I am not Catholic. I support birth control, I praise fertility science. And above all, I thank the universe for my beautiful family. We are now complete.


  1. oh... you make me cry, cye! beautifully written! you are truly blessed.. and than you (and amelia) for blessing me with such beautiful, wonderful grandchildren!

  2. that was supposed to say "thank" not "than"...
    sorry - the typo goddess